In my previous post,I made a couple of mistakes in regards to the proceedings；Kenichi made a speech in front of the building team and about fifteen relatives who all sat and had a bento lunch earlier in the day,not later on before throwing mochi,as I previously stated.Also,the “little plaque” that Kenichi had to write and then was attached to the rafters in the roof,was not so little as you can see by the photo below(and this is only one side of it) .Emilie was not impressed by Kenichi’s valiant attempt,as is very obvious!

Since the ceremony,the team of carpenters has been working all day everyday,and the windows and exterior doors,as well as the walls,are complete.On Saturday,I was able to attend Emilies sports day,and afterwards,we went to see the house,the first time for me.And I was blown away!We could go inside and walk arouund.The stairs havent been built as yet but I didnt trust myself on the ladder,so have yet to see upstairs.The wiring was being done and electricity will be connected tommorow.As houses are built from the outside-in,from now onwards,work will progress regardless of bad weather.The
completion date is for sometime in November.

Finally,some photos.The ones taken from a distance were taken by my friend who works at the home opposite.You can see the full scale of the land,and the area in front of the house where we will have garage.It was also reasurring to see that the garden at the back cannot be overlooked at all.As for the style of the exterior,we went with a western look to the disappoimtment of those not living in Japan,lol! I dont want to defend our choice,but we had a limited range of exterior colours that we could have(no light colours due to the proximity of trees leading to a moss problem.) Also,we are a mixed race and bilingual family which reflects in our daily lives and our style.I miss England,and by having a western style house,I feel closer to my roots and a feeling of familiarity and security.Kenichi always wanted a western-style house to be unique,although they are pretty common now!But the interior will be unique to us,that I can assure you!To be continued…

Next Wednesday,the wooden frame or skeleton of the house and the roof will be complete, and yes,the roof goes up fast when houses are built in Japan.The completion of the roof is an important part of the house building process,and here in the countryside it is celebrated with a simple ceremony known as “mune-age” when the house owners(traditionally men only,thank god) climb to the roof with the carpenters who are building the house.There,a handwritten wooden plaque with the name of the family and date,is placed in the roof and nailed to the rafters where it will stay as a record of the occasion.There are some offerings made at the same time and the men drink a toast of sake.Below,neighbours,friends,relatives and people passing who see the colourful flags attached to the roof annnouncing the mune-age,will congregate.After the toast on the roof,the man of the house will make a s
hort speech to officially announce the family’s intention to settle here and ask for support and protection.Finally comes the part that everyone is waiting for；the throwing of the mochi.Mochi,or cakes of pounded rice,are traditionally eaten at times of celebration.For Mune-age,the family will prepare(buy nowadays) fresh mochi.The mochi,sealed in small plastic bags,are thrown down to the people waiting below,who scramble to get as many as they can.Inside some of the mochi,it is also traditional to place a coin,the highest valued coin being 500 yen,hence it can become quite a frenzy below!Recently,it is popular to throw down bags of sweets,some containing coins,for the children present.After the mochi have been distributed,the crowd disperses,and the house-owners provide a meal for the carpenters to show appreciation for their work.

Mune-age is a dying tradition even in rural Japan.It costs money and many people are not willing to part with money or have no time,so forgo this tradition.We were initially in two minds if to have the ceremony so soon after the death of Hi-baa,but it is such an important part of the house building process in our eyes,that we decided to do it.The date was choisen with care and is a “lucky day”and next Wednesday,September the seventh at around five-thirty in the evening,is the mune-age for our house.From earlyin the morning,the flags will be flying to tell of the event.All the mochi have been ordered and Kenichi and the girls will prepare the bags of sweets for the children,tomorrow.Bento meals have also been ordered for our team of carpenters.I am hoping to get permission to leave the hospital for a couple of hours to attend,but wont know until the day if I can go.So watch th
is space and hopefully next week I will be able to report,in person,how our mune-age went.And more importantly,how are mune-age went without a hitch,but with our track record,I suppore we should be ready for anything!

＊Attached is a photo taken by Kenichi with his phone this afternoon,of the girls in the kitchen!

So,from the begining.I caught a slight cold from Emile,so have a scapegoat,lol!Three days later,I was rather wheezy and short of breath,and put it down to asthma.Didnt think it was bad,so decided to wait for a Monday to get some medication.So,Monday morning,on the fifteenth of the month,saw me swaying into the lobby of our local hospital.I was seen within minutes and told that I needed an IV,which I was expecting,as with rather bad asthma attacks,this is the fastest way to get relief.So,on the doctors orders,I lay down for a two hour IV.But thinking back,have no memory at all of being there.
After the IV,I do remember being ushured,albeit slowly,to see the doctor expecting to get a prescription and go home.Instead,he handed a bright yellow piece of paper,on which he had written beautifully in English “Acute bronchitis”and“Bronchial asthma”.So thats what I had and I waited for the damn prescription,that never came,lol! Within the hour I had all the pre-hospital admittion checks(blood,urine,chest x-ray,heart etc) and was taken to my room at the quieter end of the corridor.I was delighted that I had my own room and presummed that it was temporary.It was over a week later that I was told that I am in the high-dependency area and would be staying.

From then onwards is a blur.I was given an intense course of powerful anti-biotics,via IV, with two shots of steriods twice daily for the first twelve days. They managed to get a great IV line,so I just needed to be plugged into the drugs.I also had(have) sixteen tablets to be taken each day,and three times a day I have medicine in the form of mist that is inhaled.And after that,another inhalent which is the most foul tasting thing ever,and should be banned or used in warfare.

Each day of the first ten days just drifted by as I just lay back,tried not to talk as I started coughing,and taking ten minutes to go to and from the loo,which is meteres away,At the time,it didnt seem strange that I couldnt even stand up without losing my breath.How funny the mind is.My mobile phone was my only way to communicate,and still is,and I clung to it,texting and PMing and taking over Facebook.I just needed something to do and the security that I was not alone at any time.For the first ten days I couldnt sleep except for an hour at the longest and nights were long.But I was able to be in touch with a friend somewhere in the world at any given time and it was extraordinary to witness such a network of events；from births,marriages,deaths,it all happened plus plenty more during those ten or so days.

After around the tenth day,I had a shock to realise that I had been here so long.Despite all my texting and FBing,it didnt seem real and it dawned on me that the drugs were pretty powerful and making me feel totally out of it.It was a little bit similar to the feeling when you suddenly realise that you have a raging fever,hence you are whoozy,and you give into the fever.And it was a very strange feeling as I felt lousy.Best way to describe it,is as if you have had way too much to drink,cant talk or move in fear of vomiting,are very aware of your surroundings and want to go home,but you dont know if your legs can get you anywhere.Not that I have ever experienced anything like that.Hear say…

Not obviously enjoying this feeling at all,I had a bad couple of days and started worrying aboutthe effect of the medication on me.And it was after the course of steriods,then anti-biotics ended, that a fresh new penny dropped(and this one makes me feel like such an idiot but I have no pride)；the drugs are(were) not making me feel ill.What is making me feel ill is my body being ill. Doh! But Ive never been really ill before so had no idea about what happens,lol. You get flu,you feel lousy where you should,then you get better.And my lungs werent doing well but now they work again so I get better? Seems not.

So today,and I am still here.Still in my tequila world.But able to talk and wobble around.Oh and blog,so aint that grand! The lowdown is that my asthma was severe and took far too long to get under control.Hopefully blood tests in the morning will have positive results(ho ho) and my body will start to mend.And then I can think about going home and recuperating there.I was due back at work on September the first,but work is on hold for the time being.

Each day still drifts by and the hospital routine is gentle.I am still not able to sleep for long periods of time,and eating just a little fruit and other bits each day.I am happy to just lie in bed and listen to the sounds of the hospital.Friends pop in,but visits have been limited now.Kenichi brings the girls when he can but I had to say no a couple of times as I didnt feel well and didnt want them to see me so out of it.I feel terribly lucky to remain in mx own room and am coming to terms with the fact that I dont know how long I will be here and my body is calling the stops now,however much I sulk.

I have been overwhelmed by love and support during the last weeks.On a local scale,friends rallied around and made sure that the girls were OK.Kenichi has help from my MIL,goes without saying,but she is also coping with my FIL,who refuses to go into hospital,stubborn old goat.And I have been visited bx the elders of the Tokita clan（6.30am visit,lol!)and I have had such a boost from friends and family；a parcel full of goodies and interior magazines,literally hundreds of texts(and mostly from one amazing person),PMs,messages on Facebook,links to songs,comedy sketches,articles.Friends just writing to tell me about their day,their plans and what they have been up to.And everyone who humoured me on my FB page,and provided me with a place to escape from reality,and to laugh,not wallow,worry cry.Offers to send books,DVDs,kindles…you name it.Amazing.Here I am,stuck in a hospital bed
in the middle of a remote part of Japan,surrounded by all my friends and family.Arent I the lucky one!

Before this becomes even more over the top and overdramatic so I shall stop,and save that for my deathbed.But thanks is due and thanks is being given,believe me!

From a normal hectic daily life packed with schedules and deadlines,to suddenly being forced to stop and live a while without knowing what will happen and when…its a very humbling experience,you know.

And I have a new,albeit familiar,mantra ；
This too shall pass…. but if you could keep holding my hand for the time being,that would be grand!

The first real joy came after more than seven years of waiting.Annie.But we still had a hard struggle ahead with personal crisis,deaths and mourning,ill health and injury.But later,we had the amazing gift of Emilie in our lives to strengthen us.And things were coming together,slowly but together.

When we were married over fourteen years ago,we dreamt of building our own house.We made plans and were bitterly disappointed when our plans were rejected on numerous occasions.

In a matter of hours,after a nearly fifteen year wait,the machines will be moving in to start building our house.Im stuck in a hospital bed and Kenichi has been called out on the biggest flood-related work emergency to date,so neither of us will be there to witness the beginging of our biggest family dream.But,you know? Fuck it,because in true Tokita Style,WE DID IT OUR WAY…!

At her 2nd or 3rd group lesson,Annie was asked to write the word ”kaze” ,meaning “the wind”,on her paper.I was a bit surprised as usually they spend the first weeks writing the simple stroke meaning “one” in kanji(it is a horizontal stroke and gets them use to the brush and where and where not to use more pressure).But Annie was already writing a word.

Then a few weeks back,Nanami,Sensei,her teacher,popped round to say that Annie’s work  had received a little prize at a local calligraphy contest and her work was to be displayed in our local “city”.So off we trotted and there we saw Annie’s work ;the same one she had done during her first few lessons.It is all squiggly and not in a straight line and  Annie was not a happy bunny when she saw her work on display as it was,in her own words, ”horrible”.

However,Annie was quite excited about the thought of a prize,until she received it last week from her teacher; a tiny glue stick! We couldn’t stop laughing(but obviously not in front of Annie,no no!).But she did get a pretty nice certificate as well,and well,certificates always look cool,don’t they!

Just over two weeks ago on July 17th at around 1am,we received a phone call to tell us that Kenichi’s grandmother(the girls’ great-grandmother) had died.Kenichi was up and out of the door within minutes and rushed straight to the nursing home and met his mother and younger brother there.

Kenichi arrived home at just before 6am and I was waiting for him,wondering what they had been doing all night.I totally forgot that this is Japan ; in less than five hours,the entire funeral and wake had  been arranged  and Hi-baachan(“great-granny”) had been taken to lay in rest at her home where my in-laws also live.Indeed,the funeral director and his assistant had been called out at 1.30am and sat down to discuss the arrangements and had transported Hi-baachan back home in the hearse.

Funerals in Japan  take place very soon after death.In our area,if you die between the time after midnight and before noon ,your wake is that evening and the funeral the following day.If you die between the time after noon and before midnight,the wake will happen a day later and the funeral follows another day after.There are always exceptions(a need for post-mortem being one) but usually,this is the “rule”.

Kenichi also spent half the night calling our many relatives and by the time dawn broke,there were a quite a few local family members as well as neighbours already paying their respects to Hi-baa at the house and all of Hi-baachans children were making their way to Amakusa.Most people had heard about the death through the grape vine,but at around 7am,the funeral director had placed this sign outside the house,telling who had died and the times and place  of the wake and funeral.

Kenichi had a shower and just after 7am,we and the girls joined him to see Hi-baa at my PIL house.She was laid out in a white cotton nightdress,covered in a white futon with a white handkerchief covering her face.An altar had been set up in front of her body(which was laid in front of the family’s butsudan which was closed until after the funeral).The body itself was laid on top of dry ice and Hi-baa also had dry ice tucked under her arms and around her body.It is very hot here now and the room in which she lay has no air-conditioning.We all prayed at the little altar and lit incense for Hi-baa then went round to see her properly.In our community(I don’t know about other parts of Japan) it is very common for the face of the deceased to be viewed.I know that is may be strange in western countries to be so up front about death,but I think it is good for children,in particular to see death first hand and to be able to start to process the idea of mortality.Both the girls went and kneeled by the body and Kenichi took of the hankerchief.Hi-baa looked so serene and beautiful and obviously died peacefully .The girls touched her face and hair and Annie started with questions about what would happen to her body etc.Annie still has faint memories of my father’s death when she was a little younger than Emilie is now.Emilie had a lot to say on the matter(as ever!) and said that Hi-baa was fast asleep and we explained that we would be saying goodbye to her the next day.Then a few people came to pray and the girls took them in to show them Hi-baa.Emilie told everyone that her great-grandma was sleeping.Later she changed her wording and told us that Hi-baa had  become a baby again.Very  interesting to hear the   thoughts of  a 2 (nearly 3)year old.

We had a light lunch at the house and after ordering all the flowers on behalf of Hi-baa’s  7 children and other family members including her grandchildren.She received 18 massive flower arrangements as well as countless crates of beer,lanterns and other offerings.This is all very significant as the offerings are taken after the proceedings to be offered at family altars and the temple altar.Offerings of flowers are very expensive but part of the  Buddhist ritual ,as are fruit offerings.My mother wanted to give  an offering and we opted for a fruit basket.The name of the person who gives the offering is always displayed.

After this,we went home for a while.Millie napped and Kenichi tried to sleep but was constantly disturbed by a number of phone calls.At 2pm,Kenichi changed into his funeral attire(black suit ,white shirt and black tie) and made his way to the PIL’s house as he was due to accompany Hi-baa in the hearse to the funeral hall for the wake and funeral.We stayed at home for a little longer then drove to the local little airport to pick up my SIL and niece,Yumi and Miyu, who had come from Osaka.My BIL and 2 nephews were unable to come.

On arrival back at our house,we all changed into our funeral clothes.It is customary for children and teens to wear their school uniform to wakes and funerals(and weddings ) so Miyu had her uniform.Annie’s school doesn’t have a uniform  so she wore the black and white dress that she wore at her entrance ceremony to primary school in April.Neither Miyu nor Annie had black shoes but any shoes are fine,so they both wore trainers.Millie proved the problem as she doesn’t have any black clothes or dresses.At 7am  I had sent out an SOS to some friends who have daughters, in the hope that someone would have something dark and suitable that we could borrow.Within half an hour,we found a bundle of clothes in our entrance way ; a dear friend had put them there but knew we were too busy to chat so left without announcing herself.And Millie was the only one to have a costume change during the 2 day period!

We then all proceeded to the funeral hall which is just a few minutes down the road.It was,thank goodness,fully air-conditioned. The hall is relatively new to the town and such a godsend.Previosuly,funerals and wakes took place at the home of the deceased.A whole room,usually the (tatami) room with the butsudan has to cleared out and in front of the  shrine the body is placed,already in a coffin,and a large altar is set up in front of the body.The walls are covered in white  sheets and black awning.The family sit at the side of the room and stay to receive the mourners who arrive all the time.And you are expected to sit seiza(kneeling)which is pure agony after half an hour.At the wake,which can be well over an hour,all the mourners are also expected to sit seiza as the priest  does his/her chanting.The funeral is the same.When Kenichi’s grandfather died 14 years ago,I was tears at the end of the funeral mostly due to the pain of kneeling.Also,the worst thing about having this all happen in the house,is that there is nowhere to go to sit quietly unless the house is big.Friends,neighbours and relatives are all around and it becomes so claustrophobic.Mealtimes are also a nightmare due to the amount of people around and as many relatives travel to funerals,sleeping arrangements can be a logistical nightmare if you live,like us,in a town with very limited commercial accommodation.

Therefore having the use of the hall made such a difference.In our town’s hall,there is a main room for the services and where the body is laid to rest.Adjacent to that is a large  20 plus tatami room where the body is taken after the wake until before the funeral.The body can not be left alone until it is cremated and incense must always be burning so a family member must always be present.There is also an altar there and one can offer incense and pray.In that room,there are low tables that can easily be set up as meals are taken there.There is a small kitchen attached and a bathroom with bath and shower and  all there meals catered.Once the tables are collapsed,futons(all provided) are laid out for those who are staying the night.There are also toilets and a changing room which is also used for the priest(s) to change into their appareal.Of course,one pays for the service of using these facilities(which include women to serve the meals and clear up) but it really made everything so much easier for us all.Out of interest,this funeral was piad for by monetory offerings and my PIL,with some contributions from family.

I managed to take some photos with my phone as I didn’t feel comfortable using our camera.The quality is very  poor but I think you will have some idea of the setting.               

View of the hall from the back. Coffin and altar with Hi-bba's photo(x years ago!) all surrounded by real flowers.

The Wake.

The wake officially began at 7pm ,but mourners started arriving to pay their respects at around 5pm.Most of the people who came earlier,offered their respects and left.Those who arrived a little later,stayed for the service at the wake.All those paying their respects at any time are asked to sign a mourners book in the entrance area which is “staffed” by 3 or 4 relatives who are asked to help out.One desk is for those mourners who live in the town,the other for those who come from out-of-town.All the mourners give a special envelope with their name on with some money.The amount depends on their relationship to the deceased and the lowest is usually 2,00 yen,and the highest amount we received was 50,000 yen.After offering the money,mourners receive a card in which is written the name,age (not always) of the deceased and a message of thanks from the family.There is also a list of the closest family members of the deceased,so the names of Hi-baa’s seven children in this case,as well as a close fried or relative who the family ask to oversee arrangements.At this wake and funeral, who came from out of town received a small gift as well.

Priest's chairs

Hi-baa’s children,apart from my FIL,all live away from the town and island and were unable to arrive until just after the wake service had began.Kenichi’ father,my FIL,is too sick to leave the house so the main mourner hierarchy was such  : MIL,then Kenichi,as the eldest son of the eldest son(FIL),then me(as the wife of Kenichi),then my BIL  and finally Yumi ,my sister in-law.We stood at the side of the hall and received the mourners for a good two hours.Fortunatly,we had chairs so could sit down in between standing and bowing.Our children were playing around the area and quite happy to come and go.This is quite normal here and so very natural.How can one expect a child to sit quietly for hours at a time?And I know that Hi-baachan would have been delighted to see them playing around us.Of course,they know their limits and did behave in a proper way when near the coffin.The service for the wake began at 7pm.We remained in our seats at the side,and the funeral hall was full with around 100 mourners.Annie and Miyu shared a chair next to us and Millie sat on my knees.The priest from  the family Buddhist temple walked in wearing magnificent garments and sat in the chair and the wake began.

We sat for over an hour,asked to prayer at times by the funeral director(with a microphone) whilst the priest chanted.As the chief mourners,we were given little booklets in which some of the chants and mantras are  written.Even Miyu and Annie joined in.But I had a restless toddler on my knees and was terrified that she would start to rush around and sing etc. However,Millie was wearing socks,which she never does,so spent most of the hour making them into hand puppets and making them talk to each other.Around 20 minutes after the service began,Hi-baa’s children  and spouses arrived and after changing,came in and  joined us all and sat in the front row.A great sigh of relief from us all.

At the end of the service,the priest,who knew Hi-baa well,talked about her .Then it was over.We,the family,lined up in the entrance hall and thanked the mourners as they left.After that,we had the chance to talk to our aunts and uncles who had just arrived and meet our new 2nd cousin who is just under a year.So the atmosphere changed and as ties were loosened,the children were running around,but popping in to see Hi-baa .Millie especially liked to clamber on the stage area and peer at her great-grandma and chat to her.

An hour or so later at 9pm,the undertakers closed off the hall and prepared to move the coffin to the big tatami room.All so subtlety done and every time they moved the coffin in any was,there were prayers from the undertakers both before and afterwards.Once the coffin was placed in the tatami room,Hi-baa’s children and grandchildren went to pay their respects and the tears flowed again.Kenichi stayed behind to arrange a few more things and to talk with his aunts and uncles whilst we(SIL and our kids) went to see FIL as Yumi and Miyu had not had time to see him.Then back home,a quick shower,a 10pm trip with us all in our PJs to the local 24 hour convenience store to get some breakfast(and a few beers) .The older girls were asleep within minutes in a futon together,but Emilie was over-excited so didn’t sleep until 1am.We just left her  in the bed with the lights off and no doubt she was reliving her sock puppet moments…Kenichi arrived home at nearly midnight and we all stayed up until 1am when we joined Millie.

Annie and Millie deep in prayer(?!) yet again.

Mum's name on the fruit offering.

The funeral.

 I had a phone call from Kenichi’s youngest aunt at 6.30am to say that breakfast had arrived at the funeral hall and,her daughter(our cousin) had a splitting headache but no painkillers.I went along with Yumi after a few cups of strong coffee and all the aunts and uncles were up and had eaten breakfast.I delivered the painkillers to my cousin who said the men had snored so loudly that she hadn’t slept at all.15 people in the room isn’t so fun if you have some marathon snorers!Yumi and I had breakfast and later on,went home and brought the girls top eat as well.Kenichi stayed asleep until 8am but then was on duty again at the funeral hall.Lots of chatting and more catching up and at 10.30am lunch arrived! A lot was left over,but it was kept for later.

The funeral was only due to begin at 1pm and the girls were getting bored,,so we sent Miyu and Annie to get some things for themselves at the local shop.Millie was just happy rushing around,be spoiled by the aunts and uncles and constantly visiting Hi-baa,who was now back in the main hall.

Millie talking to Hi-baa at the "window".

At around midday,we were all dressed up and ready to greet the first mourners.This time,MIl and Hi-baa’s children were the main mourners so we were able to play with the children and talk with friends,neighbours and colleagues who had come to attend.The undertakers had rearranged the hall this time,and their were 2 tables placed in front of the first row of chairs on which were placed boxes of granular incense.During the funeral service,all the mourners are called up at the end to offer insence.

We were called to take our places at just before 1pm.Kenichi,my SIL and Bl  all sat together with our cousins(Hi-baa’s grandchildren).Annie and Miyu opted to stay in the lobby(which has a screen to broadcast the funeral for late comers.Millie had dozed off in my arms and the back tatami room doors were opened and more seating provided for the over flow of people who came.

At precisely one o’clock,the lights dimmed and the funeral began.This time the priest was joined by another priest,equally dressed in beautiful   robes and they chanted together for a time.Buddist chanting is rather eery ,but beautiful to listen to,and both priests have magnificent voices.Unfortunaly,at this point,our youngest uncle(55 I think) felt unwell and had to be half carried out to the back.He had a stroke last year,so everyone was extremely worried and the aunts were even more upset.He was fine,by the way.Just very emotional and had his bloody pressure plummeted.But with countless nurses in the immeadite family,he was made comfortable.

Millie woke up at this time and obviously is not a fan of being woken up by chanting,and started to cry.I took her to the back of the tatami room ,where we could still participate and see the service.Within minutes she was fast asleep,next to her great uncle.After a while,it was time for the offering of incense and the girls appeared at my side.So we went back into the hall and offered incense with the family,after which all the mourners took their turn.After a little more chanting,the priests left and Kenichi ,instead of his father,was asked to make a speech.And me oh my,the tears started flowing.  He was told about the speech just minutes before the funeral started and I must say that I was so proud of him.He had to notes but gave such a moving,at times humourous speech.His voice did crack up when he said that he was speaking on behalf of his father,as his father is so unwell.Many of the mourners didn’t know that FIL is so sick(my MIL insists of keeping it quiet) so there was an audible sigh of shock at that point.But Kenichi carried on and spoke with such love for his grandmother,who brought him and his siblings up as was the way then,and thanked everyone he needed to thank.How he managed with no notes under such circumstances is beyond me.

And that was the end of the funeral.We were all asked to leave the hall,and after a few minutes asked to re-enter.The coffin was now were the altar had been and we could all gather around.Then we were asked to line-up and were ,in turn,handed a flower or spray of flowers taken from the floral displays,and placed the flowers in the coffin with Hi-baa.Her favourite handbag was placed at her feet.As we placed the flower,we had a chance to say a few words to Hi-baa.My girls placed their flowers and stroked her head.Once all the mourners had passed the coffin,those who were not attending the cremation,were asked to step into the lobby.Then the lid was placed on the coffin by all those in the family who were close enough.Everyone went over and even if you only manage to touch the coffin with the tip of one’s finger,you join in.Then the coffin was wheeled through the lobby and to the waiting hearse.There are no pall bearers and the entire time,the coffin is on a trolley.Kenichi,BIl and MIL rode in the hearse.My BIL held the photograph of Hii-Baa.The coffin was secured in the hearse,and the doors shut.Then,as custom dictates,the hearse sounded its horn three times and slowly moved away.I was never sure of why the horn is sounded at funerals but now find it so very poignant and moving; the deceased is leaving us and we are able to bow and pray to say goodbye as the horn sounds and people within hearing distance(but not at the funeral) will offer a pray.

The Cremation.

The hearse pulled out of the car park and moved out of sight and waited for the cars of family and close friends who were attending the cremation to form a line behind.Once we were all there,the hearse moved slowly off and we formed a procession to the crematorium,which is just minutes away.The crematorium is pretty basic to be honest and this is the part of the ceremony that first time mourners,Japanese or not,dread.In our town,the crematorium is very small.You enter and there is a small altar with the photograph of the deceased already in place,and candles lit.The coffin is placed on to another trolley,with a very sturdy tray on top.The priest accompanied us and said his last prayers.We all said our last goodbyes with many tears,and the coffin was wheeled into the furnace,one of 2 in the room.After more prayers,Hi-baachan’s second son came forward.The door of the oven was closed and after a final prayer(by the crematorium workers) the uncle was asked to push the button to start the furnaces.Then,we were shown to a rest area and a neighbour had brought snack and soft drinks.The children were in high spirits after the tention of the funeral, and enjoyed playing together with a number of their second cousins who were present.The crematorium is right on the coast and we all wandered in and out ,some of the children scrambled down the rocks the beach,and Annie took Miyu to BIL’s cow sheds.Lots of chatting took place and we were told that the cremation would be over after around 2 hours.SO it was a rather relaxed atmosphere.

However,after just over an hour,the crematorium workers announced that the cremation was nearly finished and for us all to congregate in the main area.The AC was on but the intense heat of the furnace made it hotter than outside.After a few minutes,the trolley was taken out of the over.All that was left ,were some bones and a lot of ash.Being over 90 meant that Hi-baa’s bones had burned up more quickly,than say,a young adult.Hence the cremation was so swift.Remaining ,were parts of her skull and hip bones  and some fragments of other bones,some larger than others.The urn was placed at the top of the trolley and the second son and MIL walked forward to receive 2  long pairs of chopsticks.Together,they picked up the largest piece of bone and together put this in the urn.One of the biggest “no-no’s” in this culture,is to pass food to and from another person using chopsticks,as this is the way that bones are put into the urn.Then we were all invited to place bones in the urn.The trolley was still extremely hot but we all took our turns,except Millie and her one year old cousin.Even Annie managed with no problems and no fear.Millie spent most of the time asking were Hi-Baa was,but when explained,seemed satisfied with the answer.The last pieces on bones were placed into the urn,and the workers swept up the ashes with a special brush and placed them in as well.The last piece of bone is a piece to be placed in the urn is one of the neck bones which is significant as it is said to resemble,in shape,Buddah.This bone was placed in on the very top and the lid secured.After some more prayers,Kenichi was given the urn and took it,with the photo of Hi-baa home and placed both on the family butsudan .

The aftermath.

MIL had arranged for a meal for us all at a restaurant near the house.Between the wake and funeral,no meat or fish is to be consumed so this was the first meal including both and rather an elaborate feast.All the close family attended with some friends and neighbours ,so around 40 people in all.It was actually very informal and we were all shattered,to be honest,and relieved when we heard we had to be out of there by 6pm as they had another booking.All the cousins played together and had a blast as everything was so relaxed.We saw off our relatives who had very long cars journeys ahead of them hours being the most) as they all left because a typhoon was heading to mainland Japan,and we all had work the next day.

Once we had seen them off,we went back to my PILs house to see FIL and to pray for Hi-baa.The girls were racing around and MIL was delighted to have them doing just that after the turmoil of the past days.After a while,Kenichi and I took our girls home as my SIL and niece would stay with my PIL that night.Annie was in tears as she wanted to play more with Miyu but knew that by the time she was home from school the following day,Miyu would be back in Osaka.

So that evening was very quiet and the girls were in bed early,ready for school and daycare the following day.I also had work and was totally exhausted but Kenichi was allowed 2 days further off.And thank goodness he did,as our next adventure started the very next day; post to follow,Lol!

We are still in official mourning.For 49 days and during this time,we should not attend any celebratory events or ceremonies,although MIL says it is OK for me and the girls to attend the annual summer town festival this weekend,but Kenichi cannot.Every 7 days,there are prayers said ,by the priest,at the house and temple.On or around the 49th day,there will be a ceremony at the house and the urn will  interred into the family grave.After this,the prayers will continue and next August,we will assemble for Hatsu-Bon…the first O-Bon after the end of the mourning period.Mourning takes for dead relatives each August(in this part of Japan) during a period called O-Bon. The first O-Bon after the death,is the most significant.As we are officially in mourning until September,we will have the Hatsu-Bon ceremony next year.And it doesn’t stop at that.Ther are certain memorial years after death.The first year(Hatsu-Bon),the 3rd year,the 7th,13th,15th,17th,23rd,25th,27th,33rd,35th,37th and finally 50th year after death.After around the 13th year ,there is not a family gathering but the successor in the family(FIL then Kenichi in our family) will arrange for the priest to come and say prayers.I know that many westerners think this is rather “over-the-top” thing to do,but I think it is a lovely way to remember our relatives who have died for up to 50 years after their death.

Toshi Tokita aka Okaasan,Baachan and finally Hi-baachan.

Born December 12th 1911,died July 17th 2001.   Married at the age to 21 to Takeshi in a rare love-match marriage.Bore 8 children,7 of whom survived childhood and still alive.Sixteen grand-children,nineteen great-children(and 2 more on the way).In Kenichi’s words,” Traditional,moral,terrifying when crossed,yet loyal,loving,humorous and so very gentle.”

I thank her  for accepting me,a foreigner,to her home and household with so much love and affection.

RIP.

* Funeral traditions in Japan are extremeley complex as there are many sects in Buddism and different ways of carrying out the ceremonies.I have only experienced our family temple’s way of doing things.This link explains in more detail about why things are done in certain ways: Japanese Funerals.

But really,how can you say no to the beautifully designed Panasonic “Living Station”?!  So Kenichi has learned his first lesson.Me?I was just sensible and knew that this would be the quickest way to get what I want…;-).

Once we get the OK next Monday,the bulldozers move in,and the land will start to be made ready for the foundations.We will also have a number of trees cut to let in light and to give us more room.The building work will start in mid-August and we will be in our new house well in time for Christmas.

We are still revising the plans and haven’t even started on deciding where to put the sockets,the lights and all the hundreds of other details nor have we decided on the style we want for the exterior.We have pretty much decided on the bathroom as neither of us are fussy about what we have,so that was easy! However the kitchen is still a big blank.We cannot visualise what we want as yet,although have lots of ideas.Obvioulsy,the price is an enemy as the kitchen makers we were most impressed with(Panasonic) are very expensive.Also,I am insisting on a big sized dishwasher and oven,both of which are not easy to get hold of here.But we will get it sorted out eventually!

We are fortunate that we both share the same tastes and ideas so we haven’t had any major clashes about what we want/do not want(as yet! ).We will be going for a very simple look and the interior walls will all be white(or off white) as we will add colour with  pictures and paintings we have acquired over the years,textiles and fabric and plants.The girls room will be the only exception and will have pale pink walls.They will share the room for the time being but it will have partitions so they can have separate rooms when they need the privacy later on.

We are using the local firm of architects that have been so impressive since day one.It is still a relatively new firm but they already have a very good reputation.This is their website and if you click on the little photos of the houses,you can see some of their work.Obvioulsy,as they cater to each clients wants and needs,they do not have a set style although they do favour a natural look.

So,this summer will be very exciting and rather busy for us! Any ideas,suggestions etc. are gratefully received so please do feel free to comment.